our life that might make our spouse even question if we are
worthy of his/her trust. So, what does that look like? Here
are just a few things you can do today to make your spouse
feel more secure in your marriage:
1. Answer the phone whenever
your spouse calls
This may be easier for some
and harder for others due to
work responsibilities (or, if you
are like me, you don’t hear it
ring because you forgot it was
on vibrate), but it is a simple
way to improve the
communication in your
marriage. Don’t ignore your
spouse’s calls! If you can’t
answer right when he/she calls, send him/her a quick text to
let him/her know that you saw the call and will call back
when you have the chance. This keeps the line of
communication open and is a kind and courteous way to
build feelings of security in your marriage.
2. Get off the phone or computer when you are with your
spouse
For most of us, including Dave and myself, this is harder
than it seems. We use our smartphones to chat with our
loved ones, check socical media, and even read our Bibles…
all good things, but we still need to put our devices down
when we are with our spouses, as much as we possibly can.
When we give our spouse our full attention, which means
“giving them our eyes and ears” (yes, just like your teacher
would say), we are showing them that they are more
important than whatever else is on the other side of that
screen. This instills a feeling of security and helps us to be
better listeners. We also need to do away with any
passwords or devices that our spouse is unaware of.
Nothing builds insecurity more than secrecy.
3. Watch where your eyes wander
“But I say, anyone who looks at a woman with lust has
already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew
5:28
Let’s face it. We are going to notice an attractive person
walking by, and that is okay. We can’t cover our eyes in
public places, but we can control the amount of time and
thought we give to each glance. Let me be specific, when you
see that hottie walking by, your eyes don’t need to inspect
them top to bottom or follow them to where they are going.
When we are constantly staring at other men or women or if
we make sly comments about how “cute” or “fit” or “pretty”
someone else is, we are digging a hole of insecurity in our
marriage. You might be telling yourself that this is harmless
or innocent simply because you aren’t having a physical
affair with that person. This is a dangerous lie because when
we let our glances become lasting glances, lasting glances
turn into thoughts, thoughts become fantasies, and
fantasies, outside of your own spouse, destroy marriages.
4. Keep God as the center of your relationship
“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but
two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even
better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”- a
strong marriage in which the husband, wife, and God each
represent a strand of the cord, with God being the heartiest
strand. This kind of cord is hard to break and extremely
secure, but the cord as a whole is only as strong as each
strand. If one strand is compromised or cut off, the cord
looses some of its strength and with enough weight it will
eventually fold or break down completely.
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